I have always wanted a typewriter, in the same fashion that most little boys want bicycles. Some of course want teddy bears and mascara and that is fine by me since my experience here. I am at a beautiful place in my life where most of my real problems can be solved by a wad of cash. And I do not mean temporary solutions, I mean permanent life-long solutions.
In the wake of the millennium I was a little over nine years old and my childhood fantasy then was to own a PlayStation. It was an all-consuming obsession that drove me to do depraved things that in retrospect I would never have engaged in just for a few hours of game play. My love affair with video games did in some ways override my natural instincts because in my teens I used to get more turned on by the thought of a game-pad controller in my hands more than I would be by a bare breasted bimbo.
It took my adulthood, several dead-end jobs and years of saving to attain a gaming console. I did not even buy a PlayStation this time, I bought an Xbox which was infinitely better and more prestigious to own in my opinion. My only problem with this is that it took me about thirteen years to attain this! What fascinates me is the fact that my motivation was in no way fractured during this time.
One of my favourite feelings in this life is buying something that I have always wanted and halfway through enjoying it realizing how much I enjoy the thing and its existence. I realized that there is a lot of power in not letting the toxic mixture of fear and laziness fuck with your goals, ambitions and productivity. Some many years of education are wasted on us yet nobody teaches us how to love ourselves or why this is an important life skill.
It matters not what you want, truth is you are never going to be 100% ready. Neither is it ever going to be the right time, and that is the point. Every moment is the right moment, so if you want it, you just have to do it. It matters not how many times you fail because ultimately nobody is keeping count and the beauty of life is that you can start over each morning.
Bloom yourself. I know this sounds corny and fruity in a way but self-love is like a feeling you have to carry around with you the rest of your life. Like your beating heart- it should never stop. I also think this school of through will ensure that the churches remain as open and accessible as the bar is. I know for certain that the greatest heartbreak I may have to endure is waking up at 75 and realizing that I never got my novel published or never took up that challenge to conquer The Kilimanjaro. Worse still; having my children crying themselves alone to sleep every night and I not knowing about it. All because I was to strung out on perfection and society-pleasing to live my life.